Stage Fright
by talia571
Summary: Kendra Parks has a strong passion for music, but there's one problem: She is scared of singing in front of people. She wants so badly to join the Glee club at school, but an audition is required to join. With help from an unlikely friend, she tries to overcome her fears and sing. Kendra suffers from an anxiety disorder and wants to change that. Season 1
1. Prologue-Red

Red. All I could see was red. All I could taste was red. All I could feel was red and all I could smell was red. The thick red liquid, accompanied by chunks of sugary ice, dripped down my face and onto the floor. A chunk of ice fell from my hair which gushed the red slushie from its curls. Laughter erupted in front of me, though I could no longer see my attackers. The slushie lingered in my eyes, producing a stinging sensation. A piece of the ice found its way into my mouth, coating my tongue with the sweet taste of the slushie.

 _I will not cry_ , I told myself as I turned away from the football players that had done this to me. _I will not cry._

I blindly made my way to the girls bathroom, letting the door swing shut behind me. I grabbed fistfuls of paper towel, probably emptying the dispenser. The towel quickly absorbed the liquid portion of the slushie, leaving the ice to litter my face, hair and clothes. _I guess I haven't learned my lesson about wearing white shirts to this school,_ I thought bitterly. I winced as I cleared my eyes, the whites of my eyes no longer white, but an irritated pink. I threw out the used paper towel and soaked some unused ones to wipe my face. The slushie had been cold, it had ice after all, so it had froze my face with its icy bite.

I shook out a few of the ice chunks out of my wild curls. My hair was short, dark brown and a curly nightmare where things could get lost, including live animals. It would take hours to fix this.

After finishing all that I could in the bathroom, I snuck my way to the locker room but not before grabbing my gym clothes. I had hoped nobody would see me but in a school this large, it was impossible. Laughter belted out from my fellow students, making my cheeks as red as the slushie that covered my clothes and hair. I hurried into the locker room and fiercely claimed one of the showers. I let the water run over my hair and shirt, protecting my eyes from more ice by covering them with my hands. I could feel the weight of my hair increase with every drop of water, but at least I was removing the slushie from it.

When I finished showering, I changed into my gym clothes. I sighed. I had been going on a no-slushie streak. Today would have been day four of my slushie free streak, but Noah Puckerman ruined that for me. All the kids at William McKinley High got slushied if they were considered a 'loser'. Basically everybody except cheerleaders and football players got slushied. I wasn't a cheerleader and I certainly didn't play volleyball. I wasn't on any team and I didn't attend any clubs, but this year I had my eyes on one club. Glee club.


	2. Sign-Up

Clad in my gym clothes, I made my down the hall. As I passed the bulletin board, I stopped. I stared longingly at the sign up sheets. Glee club, debate club, all of them. Only five names sat on the Glee club sign up sheet though they had recently acquired a few other members. The names on the signup sheet were Rachel Berry*, Kurt Hummel, Tina Cohen-Chang, Artie Abrams and Mercedes Jones. I envied those people. I didn't have the courage to sign up. The club required an audition and I couldn't sing in front of anybody. I had stage fright.

After a minute of staring at the sheet, wishing I could pick up the pencil and sign my name, Kendra Parks, I turned away. A member of the football club and Glee club was watching me closely. Uncomfortable, I retreated and headed to my class.

"Wait!" A voice called out, followed by feet pounding against the ground. I turned around out of habit, though I knew the person probably wasn't talking to me. When I realized that he was talking to me, I paused. Finn Hudson, quarterback of the football team, was talking to me. That could only mean one thing. Slushies.

"Can you wait until tomorrow to slushie me?" I sighed.

"I'm not going to slushie you…" He responded with confusion. "Actually, I noticed you were looking at the sign up sheet."

"For?"

"For Glee club." He clarified.

"Yeah, I just had a quick look at all the clubs." I lied.

"Are you going to join Glee?" Finn asked.

"No." I shook my head and to my surprise, he looked disappointed. "I can't."

"Why not? Reputation? Or is it your singing voice?" He pressed.

I didn't know why I was telling him this, but for some reason he seemed like a trustworthy person. "I'm scared of singing in front of others."

"You don't have to sing a solo, if that's what you're worried about." Finn responded.

"I can't join if I don't audition." I reminded him.

"Right." His mouth formed an o. "Well, sorry to bother you." He ran off before I could reply. I brushed my tangled wet hair behind my ear and entered my classroom.

The next day at school, I wore my worst t-shirt. I decided to stop wearing my good clothes to avoid ruining them with slushies. I wore a beanie on my head and some ripped jeans to accompany the crappy, old t-shirt.

It was about lunchtime when Finn approached me again. He had a grin on his face, making me wonder what he wanted this time.

"Hey…" He paused. "I'm sorry, what was your name again?"

"Kendra. Kendra Parks." I sighed. Being approached by a member of the football team twice in one week was bound to end badly. It probably ended in me drenched in a slushie.

"Right. Anyways, about Glee club. I talked to about your audition." Finn explained.

"I can't audition, even if it is just one other person in the room." I frowned.

"Can you sing along with everyone? Like, if everybody sang?" Finn asked.

"Yes, but that wouldn't count as an audition if he couldn't hear me." I countered.

"How much do you like singing?" He questioned.

"I love it. I sing a lot whenever my parents aren't home." I admitted, immediately cursing myself for telling a football player about my personal life. _He's probably got an extra large slushie waiting for me,_ I shuddered.

"Great because I got you an audition with ." Finn grinned, as if waiting for me to thank him.

"But I just-"

"No, not in front of him, live. A video." Finn said.

"What?" I was stunned. A video audition?

"If you record yourself singing, you can give it to him and that will count as an audition. You don't even have to be there when he watches it." Finn elaborated. That's when the grin finally reached me.

"Before I decide, who's in the Glee club? You know, besides the five on the sheet?" I asked him.

"Uh, well, those five, and me." He announced.

"Why did you join? Wouldn't that be bad for your reputation?" I immediately regretted asking. _Nice one, Kendra. He just got you a way into the Glee club and now you're being rude._ "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that. That was rude."

"No, it's okay. I don't know, I just feel like I can do some good in there. I don't want to just...slushie people all the time." He answered.

I smiled, "Thanks for getting me an audition."

"No problem." He shrugged. "Do you need help picking a song?"

"Oh. I didn't even think about songs. Yeah, I'll have to find one tonight." I frowned.

"I could help you find one." Finn offered. I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should accept his help. It could be a prank. Too shy to decline, I accepted his offer.

"Great. Today after school in the choir room?" He suggested and I nodded.

"Yeah, sounds great. Thanks." I forced a smile.

"Cool." Finn grinned again before going back down the hallway. My heart finally began to slow; social contact had made my heart race. I took a deep breath then went over to my locker. _I might actually join Glee club,_ I realized with joy. The other part of my mind reminded me that it could be a trick. _Don't get your hopes up,_ I told myself.

After school, I shakily made my way to the choir room. I gnawed on my lips for support, a bad habit of mine. Once I realized I was doing that, I released my lips from my teeth. After I found the choir room, I peeked my head in the window to see if he was even there.

There on one of those burgundy chairs sat Finn Hudson with a laptop on his lap. Sucking in a deep breath, I pushed the door open and entered the choir room.

"Oh. Hey." Finn greeted me. I silently waved, wondering whether to sit down or not. "I pulled up a list of great audition songs. Here, we can look through them."

"Okay." I sat down in the seat beside him, picking at my thumbs.

"Actually, why don't we start with artists you like?" He suggested.

"Um, okay. Avril Lavigne is pretty cool, I guess. I really like disco music too. You know, the Bee Gees." I shrugged.

"Avril Lavigne it is." He turned away awkwardly, as if horrified by my love for disco. "Disco is a terrible idea. probably loves it but it is suicide to say that in Glee club."

"Avril Lavigne's good then." I laughed quietly. Finn's fingers travelled along the keyboard of the computer until he pulled up a page about Avril.

"Are any of these really emotional or do you have any favourites?" He asked, turning the laptop so I could see the screen. I scrolled through the list of songs.

"These three," I told him as I pointed to three songs.

"When You're Gone, Innocence and Girlfriend. Nice." He nodded.

"Girlfriend is really upbeat and not that emotional, though. It won't work." I told him. Finn played _Innocence_ and _When You're Gone_ , listening to both.

"I think When You're Gone is your song." He encouraged. "Do you think you could sing it?"

"Yeah, I think I can." I smiled.

"Just...do your best and you'll get in. I promise." Finn promised and I was happy he helped me, but I didn't believe in myself. I left the choir room and headed home.

As soon as I got home, I searched for my mom's old video camera. Once I found it as well as the tripod, I set it up in my bedroom. I checked the clock which revealed my mother wouldn't be home for another half hour. I read the lyrics of the song, reminding myself of the order of the verses. Once I was finished, I pressed the record button then backed up into view of the camera at the same time as I took a deep breath. I pressed play on a karaoke version from Youtube.

?￢ﾀﾜI always needed time on my own." I sang. "I never thought I'd...need you there when I cried."

"And the days feel like years when I'm alone and the bed where you lied, is made up on your side.

"When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

"When you're gone," I continued, letting the lyrics run through my lips freely. "The pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day...and make it okay. I miss you." As an instrumental section played, I took a deep breath.

"I've never felt...this way before. Everything that I do...reminds me of you. And the clothes you left...they lie on my floor and they smell just like you. I love the things that you do.

"When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?

"When you're gone...the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day...and make it okay!

"I miss you. We were made for each other...out here forever. I know we were. Yeah-ee-yeah-ah! All I ever wanted was for you to know, everything I did was from my heart and soul! I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me! Yeah!" I sucked in a huge breath before continuing.

"When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too. When you're gone, the words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it okay. I miss you."? I finished, feeling breathless that I sang an audition, regardless of an audience or not. After a moment of silence, I crossed my room to stop the recording. A small smile broke across my lips. I recorded myself singing. Me.

I decided I wouldn't even watch it. Had I done a live audition, I wouldn't get to redo it. Besides, if I found something I didn't like in the video, I'd be too nervous to make a new one and send it.

Uploading the recording onto a USB, I sucked in a nervous breath. I had to face Mr. Schuester tomorrow, whether or not I was singing in front of him. I had to give him the USB, unless I got Finn to. _No,_ I told myself. _You're giving it to Mr. Schuester._

The following day after school, I forced myself to walk to the choir room. My anxiety screamed at me to turn around, but I wanted to join this club so badly and I knew that this was the way. I gently rapped my knuckles against the door, poking my head in as the door was open.

"Hi! Kendra, right?" Mr. Schuester grinned, standing up from his seat. I nodded timidly, unable to reply. Instead, I held out the USB stick in my hands.

"Oh, thanks. Look, if anyone asks, say you auditioned for me in the auditorium. They may question the audition system if they found out you did yours this way," he warned me.

"Okay, I will," I agreed.

"Thanks. I'll let you know tomorrow," he told me, playing with the USB. I nodded and left the room, running to catch my bus.


End file.
